Anger Management 101 - Learn to Control
I am a very easy going girl as I feel that I get along with everyone. The last two days have been a major test of this because I have had the chance to interact with so many different people from all around the world. There is only one group of people that I cannot stand: those who receive personal satisfaction by hurting others.
Abba aur Dabba bahut aache dost hain aur unki koi baat par argument hui aur Abba ne kuch Dabba ko jaan ke bola jisse Dabba ko dukh pahuncha. Abba ko is main kya khushi mili? Aur if usko khushi mili, toh kyon mili? Aaj yehi koi Abba ke saath karega toh usko kaise lagega? In fact that is the main point that these people don’t think about that if someone would make them realize then they would not do it. Aur is main key aspect yeh hai ke Abba jaanta tha ke yeh specific baat usne kaha Dabba ko toh usko dukh hoga aur phir bhi kara? Chahe gusse main yaa phir out of just sheer frustration, this shouldn’t happen.
If you get any personal gain or satisfaction by hurting another person, then I would really look deep into yourself because there is a self-esteem problem. I see this too often between friends or even just acquaintances and I am SICK of it.
I have discussed this with my friends and they say, “Poonam tu kya karti hai in this situation?” Dekho doston, the best way to deal with this in my mind is to be the bigger person and let it go. If you retaliate with an answer or say something that will hurt the first person’s feelings, then he/she will say something and the cycle will be never ending. You get out of the cycle by telling the person, “Look, you can say whatever want but that doesn’t bother me. I am not going to stoop to your level to make myself feel better.” That’s it.
If any of you reading out there are one of these people that get that satisfaction, then I hope that you realize what pain you are causing. Get in the other person’s shoes and see how it feels (because it sucks). I have been in those shoes one too many times and let me tell you that I WILL NOT take it any longer.
I am now mature enough to understand that I CAN be the bigger person and not let anyone receive any satisfaction from putting me down. Key word in that sentence was mature.
Aaj ka post serious tha par mere ko kaafi din se likhna tha. If I can touch even one person’s life today then I will be feel complete. 
Chalo I should get some sleep. Alvida. Jai Mata Di.
Mata Rani ko life main kabhi cheat nahi karna, woh sab jaanti hai, sab sunti hai, aur sazza jarur dehti hai.
August 4th, 2004 at 2:46 am
I agree with everything you say punnu… mast hai..
except the last 5 words… mata rani loves you and she’ll not give you “sazza”… agar kuch bura hoga, woh tumhare bhalle ke liye hoga… not to simply punish you for the sake of it na… ‘coz I don’t think that mata rani is sitting up there with a note book and keeping an account of every sin we commit. Always remember ki jo bhi hota hai ache ke liye hi hota hai and God loves you… woh kabhi punish nahi karega….
Just my 2 cents… this is something we discussed in my reiki classes…
August 4th, 2004 at 7:31 am
What do you say?
August 4th, 2004 at 9:34 am
I disagree with you Poonam…
If somebody hurts me, should I stay quiet? Should I just move on with my life? No… I can’t do that. I will surely like to teach him/her a lesson.
But, hurting others without any reason is unacceptable… Ya, some people do get satisfaction in doing so…these guys should be given a serious whack!!!
August 4th, 2004 at 9:44 am
Some things that I would like to hear your view on but my perspective is that I am going to be the bigger person by not retaliating. There is no guarantee that I will be able to teach that person a lesson or even learn from me, so why waste it? If they are like that then so be it, but I am not going to be.
Soch soch ki baat hai.
August 4th, 2004 at 9:47 am
But, isn’t it moving away from the problem? Ignoring it? Won’t you try to show them the right way?
August 4th, 2004 at 9:56 am
So I guess it depends on the person, but you are right, I would most likely give it one try.
August 4th, 2004 at 10:00 am
Yeah, we can’t do anything with stubborn people, but we SHOULD give a try atleast once.
August 4th, 2004 at 10:03 am
August 4th, 2004 at 10:17 am
August 8th, 2004 at 6:10 pm
I wouldnt say when 2 friends or aquaintances fight, either of them is doing so to get personal satisfaction. Its the heat of the moment that keeps you going. It might start with something stupid and might eventually land up really big.
Not everyone would get satisfaction by hurting others, and i’m sure there are very few people who if hurted would forget everything and not bother retaliating back.
August 8th, 2004 at 10:10 pm
We all have faced it in our lives at one point of time and I think that many times friends/acquaintances do it on purpose. Those who are mature enough to face it - will not retaliate (because it is a never-ending cycle). Those who believe that retaliation is key will continue on the fight until they are also satisfied.
August 9th, 2004 at 5:40 pm
because it happens too often for people not to do it for personal gains or satisfaction
Exactly my point. People dont often do it for their personal gain or satisfaction.
August 9th, 2004 at 7:01 pm
Please let me know if I misunderstood you.
August 10th, 2004 at 3:13 am
Anyways this topic has grown so much so far, lots of arguments have come so I would have to think a lot over it after having so many views or opinions. I will try my best to be clear while giving my opinion.
Well I have two scenarios, first in which two persons, those we can not say ‘friends’, fight or argue to each other then there will be too often that either of them are saying something, that can hurt the other person for personal gain or satisfaction but not for hurting you since he/she cares more about him/herself than you. Now that personal gain or satisfaction can carry valid/legal arugments or some invalid arguments, so then accordingly we can realize who is right. So in brief, in this situation my point is whatever anybody has said(which was rude to listener) will be based on its own thinking and most of the time its own thinking will move around personal gains or satisfaction or some logical arguments in some cases without any personal gains but to be fair. If it happens with me(someone say some rude things to me), I will try to find out the reasons for it, if it is fair enough but the way of saying is not good, I will let him know and if it is totally illogical then I will try atleast once to explain the right thing to him, I can’t do it for long without any hope and I can’t waste my time on something that I am never going to get since it depends on the other’s thinking as well.
Par hum ek baat toh kahna bhul hee gaye(PAN PARAG PAN MASALA PAN PARAG:rotfl:). Nahi ..woh yeh kee ho sakta hai koi person gain ke liye hee tumhe hurt karein..means tumhe hurt karne mai kuch fayda ho(joh generally nahi hota hai if saamne wala banda criminal nahi hai toh).. yeh wala case I am not going to discuss(Sorry …:rotfl: you know what to do or not to do but just stick with logic(what is right and what is wrong))
Now the second scenario is all about two friends. I feel, in that situation some times your emotions do overcome your thinking if something wrong happens between them. So it is quite possible that one can say something, that will hurt the other, even already knowing about it since he/she is not feeling well either and at the same time he believes that the other cares about him, still has done something wrong and he can hurt the other also( due to being possessive which is again a type of emotions). So he is not able to think properly otherwise instead of hurting/retaliating the other, he could try to find out the reasons for the current situation. So here I agree with Monty that either of them will not do it for personal gain or satisfaction in some NORMAL SITUATION but can do it in the CURRENT SITUATION (in the heat of the moment while fighting or arguing) because now they can’t think properly due to the emotions that overcome their thinking at that time.
I hope you are still reading it:smile:and getting my point. Now what I will do in this situation, well I will definitely do confrontation till the time when I am having something logical to say. Because I care about him/her and I want everything to be clear between us. It is not possible till the point when one of them understands and agrees with other’s arguments or opinion. So I will not stop without resolving the problem. At the same time, I need to think over what he/she has been saying to me (So need to have just unbiased fair thinking).
Now if you are friends there is no point to punish the other for something, you will not be able to do it if you are close enough. So take an action to make the situation normal again and at the same time, do not compromise on your opinion( if you think it’s fair enough) for the sake of getting back to the normal situation. Both of them need to be comfortable with the point of views of their minds as well as their hearts . and that is the normal situation.
So in brief, I would suggest to think properly in this situation and put aside your emotions, atleast not ahead of your thinking. This will always resolve the problem and make your relationship much stronger.
Besides that I strongly believe that confronting with valid points is much better than retaliating to achieve mutual understanding, specially when you are in some close relationship but do it using your mind at the first place.
Chalo if anyone wants to say something, please go ahead, I am eager to have a debate(if at all there are some conflicts).
August 10th, 2004 at 5:17 am
After having the record for highest number of comments for a single post, now we have the record for longest comment… way to go np.com
August 10th, 2004 at 5:15 pm
Poonam, i think either you are getting this wrong, or there is something seriously wrong with me. I did read that line again and by the looks of it, you are saying it ulta.
because it happens too often for people not to do it for personal gains or satisfaction
is the line we are talking about. If i were to say
because it happens too often for people to do it for personal gains or satisfaction **I removed the word “NOT” **
Now this line means it happens too often for people to do it for personal satisfaction, whereas if you insert the word “NOT”, it goes the opp and you mean to say “It does often happen to people NOT to fight for personal gains”.
Maybe its too early in the morning and i’m getting it wrong, but from where i see it, you are getting it wrong.
August 10th, 2004 at 8:12 pm
Here is the blunt Hindi definition of what I was saying: Log apne personal satisfaction yaa gains ke liye koi doosra aadmi/aurat ko dukh dehte hain kyon ke if yeh case nahi hota toh yeh itna common nahi hota.
Does anybody else think differently or am I just losing it from this training :roll:???
August 10th, 2004 at 8:26 pm
Oye “Hi-fi” ki bacchi, why are you translating in Hindi. What you are saying does make sense, and i have understood your point, but here the point is of correct & hi-fi English and not getting your point across.
August 10th, 2004 at 8:28 pm
Yaar, i feel i should give it another shot at explaining what i understand from your sentence.
You say “because it happens too often for people to do it for personal gains” Just try and translate this in hindi,”kyunki aisa bahut hota hai ki log apne khushi ke liye ladte hain”
and this sentence did not include the word “NOT”, so by adding “NOT” you change the whole sentence, and you actually agree with what i’m saying that most of the people DO NOT fight for personal gain/satisfaction.
I know this is not the point we should be discussing, but since you mentioned you were a native english speaker and your english is hi-fi, maine socha mein bata du :p
August 10th, 2004 at 8:39 pm
Guyz. look at the bigger picture. stop being immature and start arguing one line! we wont get anywhere with that. I understand their has been a misunderstanding..but hey..we have a whole post to comment about…not just one line! :)
I repeat look at the bigger picture!
August 10th, 2004 at 8:41 pm
I will even say that I worded that sentence REALLY poorly.
August 10th, 2004 at 8:44 pm
hope the above sentence was worded properly.. :P