Dil aur Dimaag — Isthmaal Saath Saath
Pyar humein kis mod pe leh aayaaaaaaaaaaa, ke dil kare aaye, koi yeh bataye kya hoga
Wakai main pyar ek aaisa ehsaas hai jisse tum sab kuch bhul sakte ho. Today as I was talking to a dear friend who is going through a similar issue with her parents as I did, I was reminiscing what Neeraj and I have gone through in the past five years so that we are able to see this day together. Pyar karne se baat khatam nahi hoti, usse nibhaana bhi padta hai. Just being love doesn’t end it, you have to fulfill all of the trials and tribulations that go along with it.
If you give up on your relationship at any point prior to meeting your goal or manzil, then is that really true love? Would you give up on true love? I knew that I was going to face many problems prior to getting into a relationship with Neeraj. How did I know so? Here are a few things that gave me the hint:
1. Our relationship was formed through the Internet
2. We had never met before in person
3. My parents never met him in person
4. Different castes
5. Long distance
I never let just my heart do the talking in the relationship, I used my mind as well. I had to think about the obstacles that we were going to face prior to them happening, otherwise we would never be prepared. I knew that there would be many things that both of us would have to explain to our family, and many that they wouldn’t even understand. But it was true love for us, we were ready to do anything to be together. Today, we are good as engaged with parents consent and ready to get married. Fairy tale story? I think not. 
Relationships require hardwork — its not something that comes easy for anyone. Everybody faces problems, some give up half way, some take it through the end. True love is at the end of the manzil. Neeraj and I could have given up loooong time back, but we never did. We knew that we wanted to be together from day one, and today our love is higher than anything else in the world.
Aaj ek baat sirf unke liye jo ek jeevan saathi dhoondh raha hai, dhoondh liya hai aur ghar walon se baatein karne wale hain, yaa phir jo confused hai ke woh kya kare, dil aur dimaag dono ko isthmaal karo — jeet tumhari hogi. For those who are looking for a life partner, have found one and are going to talk to your parents about him/her, or for those who are just plain confused about their relationship, remember one thing that you should always use your brain along with your heart — the win will definitely be yours. Nothing stops true love, not even your parents as they also want what is the best for you. 
Pyaar karo, aish karo, par soch samaj ke karo.
Alvida. Jai Mata Di.
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June 13th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
Good post. I agree with what you’ve written
June 13th, 2005 at 9:41 pm
Doesnt all good things in life require hard work? And love is one of the greater things in life that all people aspire towards.
The final victory cant be dependent merely on emotions to get you through to the end. Because like you said, you also have to think ahead to all the obstacles and have an answer to all the questions that the parents are surely going to ask you.
Of course the most important thing is to have the committment from both sides to see the whole thing through to the end. Because when you put in the hard work and make it half way down that road only to find out that one partner isn’t willing to fight their way out through to the end anymore (that they give into pressures etc)…. it can make people skeptical towards the whole idea of love and of course trust…..that all too important word that is the foundation of any relationship.
Would like to take this opportunity to congratulate you both on a journey well travelled……saath saath….and sticking together through the good and the tough times (of which im sure there were plenty). But once you guys are together, the good times will flow………..
June 14th, 2005 at 2:21 am
June 14th, 2005 at 6:59 am
Poonam, greatttt post.. and great tips too.. will surely convey this to my friends.. abt whom I’ve told u once.. they too would have to start thinking abt parent’s consent once they return back to India.. lets see..
happy to see that u and Neeraj overcoming all hurdles to be at this level now…
June 14th, 2005 at 11:02 am
at first our decision to be together was out of impulse..u like something so strong in one person that u dont think too much and fall in love..and we did that ::roll: but once we got commited we needed to work things..for us too it was the same set of reasons that u have lifted out…for us it was even more difficult that we belonged to two different states all together and speak two different languages…;)
anyways , the point that am wanting to put across is that, once commited it shuld be for lifetime ..in things like love u can not try different waters..! so it must be worked out hard to make the relationship work!nice post! :)
June 14th, 2005 at 12:08 pm
typo : Listed out! instead of lifted out! sorry!;)
June 14th, 2005 at 5:37 pm
Indu, i agree with your comment “once commited it shuld be for lifetime” and that “in things like love u can not try different waters”.
Poonam, you said that if a couple give up on their relationship that it probably wasn’t true love anyway. But sometimes what if its one partner who gives up and not both?…..does that still disclassify that relationship from being true love? What if it was true love for the person who didnt want to give up? Is that possible?….for one partner to view a relationship as being their true love and for the other partner to view it as the obstacles being too hard to overcome and they rather give up then go through all the problems.
Im a bit confused when it comes to that angle. I know a couple where the guy gave up on the relationship and on the gal. After facing up to alot as a couple he gave up on the relationship. The gal went into the relationship witht mentality that Indu was talking about…..a lifetime relationship. Now the gal doesnt condone or forgive his behaviour but she still loves him…..as it was true love for her. Its obvious that the didnt feel the same way or else he would have stayed and faced the problems head on. What im trying to ask here is, does the fact that the relationship didnt work mean that it wasn’t true love? Even for her? Surely, even true love can be one-sided can’t it?
Interested in hearing everyone’s views on this.
June 14th, 2005 at 5:43 pm
I know that a lot of people may say that how can the gal love him after what he did:!::?:. I know…..i’ve thought the same…..but the fact remains that she does. And believe me she’s not some sort of ‘dumb blonde’ type of gal either.
June 14th, 2005 at 9:28 pm
Definitely both people in the relationship need to be equal and take part hand-in-hand for it to be “true love” and to succeed.
Thanks once more for the good words. We have seen alot but do know that our good time is also near.
We always talk through everything thoroughly to know our obstacles, and something we will keep doing. 
You know Hindi right Kunal?
btw - i have translated it in English. 
Thoda aur dhyaan se padna padega. 
Thanks Prasad.
Good to see that you are going to tell your friends, I do know the ones that you have mentioned. 
Do let me know what they say.
Very interesting Indu.
You have us beat on the two different languages, but even Neeraj and I are from two different states (Rajasthan and Punjab). But even more, we are from two different worlds (US and India). But our compatibility is so high, that none of that mattered to us. True love sees no boundaries, no languages, and no borders. I agree that there is no point to test different waters in true love, but you still have to think about what you are getting into when you start a relationship. That is when you have to think if you are able to stay till the very end.
Really good question Pareeka that I am glad that you brought up, that even I thought abt. when I was writing the post. This is my thoughts on the matter. True love would kind of be like the “perfect” relationship. I think a fling and infatuation are types of relationships that are temporary but true love is permanent and forever….that’s one of the reasons its “perfect”. In that case, its just not possible that only one person believes that they are in true love, and the other doesn’t…in fact, that isn’t true love. True love for me is always forever - hamesha. When you are in a relationship, you want to be loved as much as you want to love your partner, hence that satisfication will only be there when your partner loves you with all his heart as well. Until then any type of relationship will be temporary. I hope I am being clear — let me know if I can talk more about this if my point didn’t come through.
The example that you gave Pareeka just makes me think more about this, and my thoughts on this is that the girl thinks that she is in love. Today if she wants to get that guy to be in that relationship but doesn’t get the love from him, then she will not be satisfied. No one will be happy and true love is all about happiness. That’s another part of the “perfect” relationship. There are no regrets and no doubts in “true love”. The girl that you have spoken about hasn’t reached true love yet, she will know when she is there — the feeling is amazing, and surely she will feel it when she receives the love from her partner.
I hope that helps!
It is great to read everyone’s opinions. 
June 14th, 2005 at 11:28 pm
Poonam, what you wrote does make sense:yes:. Hmmmm that fact that the gal may just think she is in love with this guy has crossed my mind too:yes::yes::yes:. Perhaps she’s just the victim of falling in love with the wrong person? Im not really sure….the more i think about it the more i confuse myself:roll:
Perhaps the situation i talked about is best left to time….time being the healer of all wounds.
June 15th, 2005 at 12:39 am
Thakdir - I believe in this very much. Jo Hona hain voh zaroor hoga! Aur Jo bhi ho raha and jo bhi hoga wo sabh kudh ka balayi ke liye hi hotha hain!
Vik’s also a Gemini is it? Another intellectual! :-)
Just noticed my blog on your “Blogs we Read” section. Thanks!
June 15th, 2005 at 12:48 am
Thakdir…..i feel people use this word to suit their situations at various points in their lives:yes:….if something good is happening then its of course attributed to their hard work and if something bad is happening then it must be fate (thakdir)…..their pre-determined lot in life.
Hey, even i myself have used that word interchangably to suit different circumstances in my life……..so im not criticizing……..was just a thought i had
June 15th, 2005 at 1:10 am
Interesting and Lovely Advice Poonam
June 15th, 2005 at 8:46 am
Poonam, what you write is very true and I could not have related more to this.
Honestly, I always knew I loved him truly but never realized the depth of it till this moment when I have had to think about what it is really going to come down to. Relationships, especially long distance ones are never easy. but like you said, if you know what you want, if you have made up your mind, then all hurdles can be overcome.
The thing with dealing with parents and their opposition is that, you love your parents just as much as the other person. Actually love for parents and a partner is incomparable. They are both of a different kind, which is why when it comes to parents or the other person, you are in a dilemma that is not easily solved . You want to see both happy.
I know you went through the same situation and I know that it is not hard to handle. But if your head is with your heart, and you know what you want, then love can do it all.
It is not easy by any means and involves a lot of endurance, but at the end of it all, it is so totally worth all the pain.
Like you and Neeraj, we toon have always known what we want. Sachi main, after I talked to you, I realized what you must have gone through, and talking to you has given me so much more courage to face the situation right now.Thanks so much.
June 15th, 2005 at 8:47 am
“not hard to handle” = “not easy to handle” typo there…..:) take care…I am still trying to find the right time to say it all….:sad:
June 15th, 2005 at 10:19 am
I didn’t know that so many people were in the same boat here:) I am glad that I am out of it.
But Poonam, I totally agree with your post. I went through all this last year…maybe if I knew all these stories then, it would have given me a lot more courage. But true, it doesn’t come easy. U want both your parents & your partner to be happy and making a decision is a very tough thing. Somewhere someone always gets hurt…but mostly in the end, it’s all good. Marrying someone with a different background, involves a lot of hurdles that you need to overcome. Getting out of it is always the easier way out. When you stick to the other person and go though all the barriers/hardships to achieve your ultimate goal, that’s when you are truly in love. And I can tell you from my experience, when you end up being together forever and ever - that’s when you are the happiest person on this earth! So you all should hang in there and focus on the ultimate happiness you are going to get when you get to the silver lining at the end of the tunnel:)
June 15th, 2005 at 6:48 pm
Takdir Anand, hmm..kismat? Sahi baat hai, jo hona hai woh toh hoke hi rehta hai, par saath saath tum bas chup baith ke sab kuch hone bhi nahi deh sakte. Something happening in front of your eyes and you can react, then you should think about what is right, what is wrong, and what you should do. You are getting into a relationship with a person just becuz of their good looks, aren’t you going to think twice about what the consequences will be, what will happen in the future, etc.? That is my point only, that you should always think about how your relationship is affecting other things/people, how you are going to handle it, and what may happen in the future. Dil aur dimaag ko isthmaal karo - sirf dil nahi aur sirf dimaag nahi.
Vik or Vikas is my dear cousin in Chicago. Today is his janam-din.
Yup, another Gemini. I should say the thanks to you for adding us to your blogroll. 
Yup totally agree Pareeka.
Even I have seen it. You can’t just put everything to fate, kismat, or takdir (call it whatever you want 
).
Thank you Ankur.
You are so right Kaush.
Pata hai Neeraj aur maine ek doosre ko kaha tha, if we have to temporarily leave both of our parents, then we will for our love. Shaadi ke baad woh log samaj jaayenge. Par in fact now that I think about it, we were quite naive to even think about this step — our parents wanted what we wanted: happiness. Aaj main sochti hoon ke main mere parents ko batana kyon itna darrti thi toh isliya kyon ke mere ko unko dukh nahi dena tha, par in fact woh mere liye intezar kar rahe the ke main kab unko bataaongi Neeraj ke baare main. They wanted what I wanted, and even your parents will do the same. Sab kuch bhul jaao aur saaf saaf bataa deo Mummy Papa ko..definitely woh maan jaayenge. 
They will see the love and respect you have for them, at the same time the love that you have for your partner as well. 
I am glad that our experiences is helping you, you really haevn’t heard all of it yet.
There would be so much I can tell you, but kabhi aamne saamne karenge. 
All the best dear! 
You are so right Mannat, it is the easy way out, but if you are thinking of taking the easy way out, you should really think about why you got into the relationship in the first place. In true love you will never look for an “easy way out”, you will take it till the end. What do you say?
Great words, I totally agree with you that it will be all worth it at the end, its the steps that getting there is always so tough. Par phir Bhagwan imthihaan nahi leta toh kaise pata chalta ke sacha pyaar hai ke nahi.
June 18th, 2005 at 11:34 am
Punnu… thora sad hai ki aaj ke din bhi castes are a problem…. bhagwan kare ki aise problems jaldi se logon ke liye gayab ho jayen.