Had a very long phone conversation with Neeraj that ended a few minutes ago and made him late to the passport office. 
But the discussion was so interesting that neither of us wanted to leave the conversation in the middle. 
Temptations in love, can you control them? Should you control them? How to control them?
Intimate/sexual temptations.
You and your bf/gf have been dating for 4 years and know each other inside and out. You are now in a situation where you are in one’s room and are able to do whatever you please to be intimate, do you go ahead and do it? Don’t think about this diplomatically or give the answer that you think everyone would say, but think from your heart. Now you feel that you love your partner to the extent that you will marry this person some day, but do you take in the temptation or should you control it? If you should control, how do you do that?
Living temptations
You and your bf/gf are now going to be living in the same city. You are thinking of whether you should get a home on your own, or move in with your partner, what do you do? You love your partner to the extent that you will marry him/her someday, but at this time, due to whatever circumstance you are not able to marry, do you still decide to live together? Should this temptation be controlled? If yes, then how?
In life many different titles are given to different stages in life such as pre-dating, dating, engagement, and marriage. Should these be abided the way they are labeled? Are we in a generation where we decide what labels to apply to our life? Temptations are there from the very beginning, and its really up to you how you decide to take them on.
I think that there is a reason for everything, and that applies to these labels as well. There is a reason why people get married, and there are certain steps that you should not take before that. If you are truly in love, then nothing should come between you getting married to our partner. All temptations should be controlled and waited for that sacred day of harmony and union. Now if for some outside reason that delays your marriage, then what do you do? Is it alright to take on the temptation if your final intentions are good?
No. Temptations in love, whether sexual or otherwise, should be controlled until you are married. If you give away all of the secrets before marriage, what will be the excitement of getting married? If you can’t control your temptations, get married. Aaisi kaunsi majboori aa gayi hai jisse tumhe apna khud ke labels banane pad rahe hain? 
We haven’t even discussed parents and how they will feel if they find out that you could not resist temptation. 
Unka disappoint bardaasht hoga? Will you be able to bear their disappointment/anger? Now yes we are young adults and have a mind of our own, but as Indians, we care alot about what our parents think about us. Hamesha chahte hain ke woh humein garv se dekhe dukh se nahi. Are you willing to take the risk of them finding out that you have done something that they did not want you to do? Aur phir aaisi kaisi majboori aa gayi hai jis wajah se tumhe yeh kadam oothana pad raha hai?
Society is the very last thing that one should think about. Somehow or another, society finds out that you weren’t able to control your temptation. Are you okay with not having a name to your relationship other than bf/gf? (which we know in today’s world has very or none value). Would you like to become a statistic of the many young adults who weren’t able to control their temptations?
Consequences. People in love must know their consequences of all of the temptations that they will encounter in their relationship prior to getting married. Many risks are involved, and you must be aware and ready to take them on if you are not able to control the temptation that will follow in love.
That was the topic of discussion as I woke Neeraj up, and let me tell you, it woke him up. 
Usually I spend a good 15 mins waking him up, but today it hardly took five minutes to get him out from his sleep. 
I am not really going to go into detail what Neeraj and my thoughts were because it will take forever 
, but it is now time to discuss. 
So tell us your views. 
Alvida. Jai Mata Di.
Gosh… am i the first one to comment on this topic???
I did have a couple of crushes n infactuations but I didn’t let tht grow… But, i do have friends who r girls but they r not my girlfriends.. 
there r lots of differences b/wn these two na…
okok…. let me now think and tell u what I feel..
To be frank, I’ven’t been in any serious relationships till now…
I felt its my responsibility to stabilise myself, get into a good position n then think abt all these…. that was what I decided during my college life… so, all I focussed on during that time was on building my career… Now i feel am ready for this… waitin’ for tht day when i’ll find my one….
Okok… coming back to the point… I do agree with most of the points that u said… Its true that we shouldn’t cross the barrier… but, that limit should be decided by us… i mean going for movies,beaches, giving a loving kiss, hugging.. etc… is ok.. this is what I feel
I think its hard to control all the emotions, but we should control that one important thing which should be reserved for only after marriage.. I believe u all know waht am talking abt… 
Living temptations….. I guess I don’t mind living with such a partner if I have… but then again… all those emotions n desires would creep up if we r so close. So, if we can’t control our desires, better live in different places..
Interesting :)
I agree with your points and what Prasad said it’s true. It depends on the limitation that the couple applied, it effects anything. Emotions is really hard to control, especially when you love someone, somehow you want to be close with him or her, when you are hungging her or him, you feel very happy. Now it’s how you control your behaviour … stop at hugging only or you do something further. If you think you are not good in controlling, better no to take further actions. Because when you start doing further, it’s hard to turn back.
Exactly like Poonam said … what is exciting in the marriage anymore when you have done sex before marriage ? It’s like you open a gift before the times :)
Poonam, you said it all. I totally believe in whatever you said. Can’t argue on this issue :)
Poonam, I have a different take on these.First of all it is one’s individual perception about what to give ur partner and what not to give before marriage.Let us say there are two sides of the coin.Abstinence from sex is OK if both are of same notion.LIke pre marital sex can take a back seat as it is not right.I wouldnt even call it rite or wrong coz it is on one’s way of thinking.
Fortunately when I was courting both of us never fell prey (I shuldnt be terming it like this too coz it was our choice to not give in!) for such thots though we were reachable both geographically and physically.It takes a whole different turn if one of the partner feels the other way.He/She thinks that physical intimacy adds up to the closeness of a couple and the other person is going for it, then it is not a wrong thing at all.
As I said in my courtship we never had that problem but I have seen my friends suffer a break up due to the same problem.being adamant in a relationship is also not rite.
Am not sure how well this thot will be received by other bloggers but then this is my take on it.After all after 4 years of courtship u get to know a person atleat to some greater level and going in for compromises is not wrong too.
As far as Parents, I am pretty sure our parents are well aware of one-night stands and intimacy in a relationship that is for sure going to end up in marriage.Instead of sneking out and having sex just for the fun part of it is ABSLY NO NO!
But by god, sex is also one private beautiful thing that shouldnt be enjoyed with any stranger or so.
Am not pretty sure if I made my point well travelled but the gist of this is this:
Itis neither wrong nor right.It’sone take on relationship and where it stands now.
One more addition :
it is also in the maturity level of two individuals who have come together in a relationship for the rest of their life.
That relationship should not be a fling.
Interesting point by Indu here…. It all depends on one’s views… so, am not to deny anything here… but, jus wanted to ask what if we end up being intimate and having sex… and all of a sudden something happens between the two and they break up (not necessarily due to the reason that they had sex). As Indu said, sex is one beautiful thing which should be enjoyed with only one individual with whom we feel we’ll live for the rest of our life.. so, in this case, after the break-up I feel it’ll be really difficult for the person to marry another one and have such intimate relationship again.. cos it’ll bring memories of the other person too.. It’ll be really difficult to live then.. right?
Ok Prasad, so tell me your stand on temptations? You think that the couple themselves decide what their temptations are? Let’s just talk about the two given examples above (intimate/sexual temptations and living temptations). What do you do in those two situations?
So you say that you are ready to live with a partner if you are unable to marry at that time? Don’t you think that your urge to get married will decrease since living together because you know what it is like, there won’t be that much excitement as there might have been if you had not lived together?
We are not even talking about hugging and all Mona. We are talking about the two examples given above.
Hugging and all cannot even be part of the discussion because these are very small things these days. Sex is one thing that will change your life (i.e. if you have a baby, etc..). Definitely agree on the last statement.
Good Manpreet.
I don’t agree with this statement Indu, because since day one of school they teach you that having sex before marriage is wrong. I can’t say for India, but here in the US, they are quite blunt about it. Never once did they say that its your choice hence it can’t be right or wrong.
Having sex prior to marriage is not accepted and hence its a temptation. If there wasn’t a right or wrong answer then people would not be actively telling high schoolers and young adults to practice abstinence.
Now we are talking about temptations. What should one do when they are in a situation with their partner where they are tempted to do something such as sex or have a live-in relationship.
If you are truly in love and know each other that well, then you will wait. Its all about controlling your temptations when you are in love until marriage. Do you not feel that having sex before marriage or even being in a live-in relationship can cause any type of harm to your marriage? Will the excitement be gone by the time you get married? Will you or your partner even feel the urge to get married? Many will think that everything is going fine and dandy now with the way things are, why should we get married?
If you had sex with your bf, and your parents found out, are they going to be happy about it? No. Was it worth it to fulfill that temptation and have ur parents be disappointed/angry with you? Indians care alot about their family and what they think about them and their partner. Guaranteed that many will regret what they have done because now woh apne parents ke nazaron ke aage gir chuke hain.
There is a right or wrong answer because that is what we have been thought from the very beginning. If you start changing the rules now, isn’t that one show of you giving in to temptation?
Exactly right Prasad, so then the question remains was it worth it fulfilling that temptation? Wouldn’t it have been better if you would have waited for the right person? What will happen when you get married and your wife asks you if you are a virgin, what will you say? Won’t it rupture any part of your marriage when she finds out that you have had sex before? Things to think about when it comes to temptations.
what matters is feelings and not the labels given to the feeling. i personally feel that by giving a label to a relationship, we do spoil its sanctity.
I wouldnt term sex as a temptation, when you are in love then sex can never be preplanned, it just happens. making love is an expression of love, its just an expression of feelings not an expression of bodies.. lets term it this way, having sex is purely physical, but making love is thru the mind. and yes a girl can never tell her parents that she had sex.
making love is an expression of bonding, its something to share between couples, a relationship which has been nutured by two souls. it shouldnt be done for a purpose. In my opinion, premarital sex is not wrong, its just an expression of truth, if its done with the right intentions. Its like having a soul to soul talk with your partner. why should a label of “marriage” be present to express such love? But yes, this is my own perception of relationships.
Thanks for your views Anat.
How is being intimate with your partner not a temptation? If it wasn’t a temptation then pre-marital sex would not be viewed as a negative thing in today’s society.
What about the consequences of having this soul to soul talk with your partner prior to marriage? Just because you want to indulge in this temptation doesn’t mean nothing will come out of it. So are you saying that you would be willing to take on the consequences (i.e. having a baby with your partner) in order to have this soul to soul talk?
We all know the affects of that with your family and the rest of society if you do upon take on that consequence. Is that something that you will be willing to bear? That you are now a parent without being in a union of marriage? That you had a child out of wedlock?
Making love or being intimate with your partner is sacred, I totally believe that, but it is a temptation of love prior to marriage. Why? Because there are consequences that are attached to its fulfillment.
There is a reason to why we have these labels (I don’t know what the reason is but there is one), and I think that we have to abide by them. Marriage is considered an institution. Anything in the means of temptations that happens prior to marriage is taken in a negative light. What does that mean? That means that if you are not able to resist temptation then you should be willing and ready to take your relationship to the next level. And why shouldn’t you? Is your relationship or your love in that relationship not strong enough to take you to the level of marriage?
Atleast with marriage you are in an union that has a name. Prior to that in the state of being bf/gf, you really don’t have a meaningful name to your relationship. Ek ladka ek doosri ladki ke saath “ghoom” raha hai.
Yes you have to be sure that you are in love to get married, but then again, if you are willing to take on a temptation, shouldn’t you really know by then if you are in love or not? Khair that’s another subject for another day.
Poonam, let me ask everyone a question.
Arent we all cuddling and kissing atleast on the cheek before marriage? if it was a boyfriend or gal friend!
U told me rite about teaching.We are taught like that may be not outrite explicitly.me coming from an Orthodox Tamil Brahmin family, it was tough for me to have boys as friends but i went out and had 5 best friends as guys and that too for 16 long years.If I had taken others notions and not allowed those guys to be my best friends I wuld have missed outof beautiful part of my life with them.In some of my cousin’s family that is also not allowed.
Now what am trying to tell u is, those days, talking to an oppsite sex person was itself a taboo but now arent we all having boy friends, going out withthem having fun so on and so forth.Arent we moving forward?
If teachings were to be followed do u think India will produce lot of extra marital affairs?lot of illicit sex trades?that is a whole different argument as such.But the problem with us we start forming opinions..
anyways coming back to the point, now a days if a boy friend and gal friend go out arent they cuddling atleast? atleast a little bit of touch here and there? arent we all enjoying that extra closeness with that person?Sex is one extreme…but if a person is not matured enuff to handle the temptatoin then no couple shuld even be touching each other which I think is absly not possible.Having the feeling to go to extreme is not wrong but doing it just like another fling is what is considered wrong.
“If you had sex with your bf, and your parents found out, are they going to be happy about it? No.” Arent we all aware of the divorce rates in India? now if that is the case in the previous marriage wont they have had sex?about parents I am not sure how to answer it coz i feel they will also know that we are kissing or atleast cuddling…wont they feel upset about it?
again, sex is one extreme.Depends on the maturity level of a person or the two involved.There are lot of ifs and buts in a relationship and in the society.It is upto us to handle it.
haing sex and losing that relationship is defly a let down.
Again am saying Sex is one extreme and handling that depends on one’s maturity level.There are always two sides to the arguement.
hai na? u had written abt trial u remember poonam? even there told the same thing !!!! if we keep changing partners then then there is no difference between animals and us..
Anat u read my mind rite and impeccably put it down too!
sex and making love are two different things…what come automatically is what we love making…
it is the trust,truth,espression of purity all packed in one is what is important! that is what the base…..temptation comes last to me…
I feel that my point isn’t getting across.
Ok here I go again. 
First the discussion is on temptation only. Feeling tempted to do something, and then what you are suppose to do. That’s it.
I felt that your last comment Indu is not what I wanted to talk about. We aren’t discussing having relationships with the opposite sex. We are talking about temptations in love. IF somewhere I lose your point, please let me know and clarify.
Ok. So we are talking abt. temptations — sexual temptations. You are already in the situation where you have been in a relationship for 4 years, planning to marry, but then are tempted to make love to your partner prior to marriage. What do you do? How do you control your temptation?
Okay this is what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the temptation and how you should handle it. This is a good example. So what I understood that you have said above is that one should control their temptation if they can’t go all of the way?
Its do all or do nothing?
Regarding the parents, I want to know if its worth giving in to a temptation even if it means that you have to disappoint your parents. Please give your view on that question.
I don’t know what to say regarding sex being an extreme because that’s not what I want to discuss here. I want to discuss the temptation of being put in a situation where you are able to be intimate with your partner, and what you should do in that situation. Should you control or not control?
At the same time remember we are discussing LOVE. We we are not discussing the changing of partner or anything like that. When two people think that they are in love and they face these temptations, what they are suppose to do. That’s the topic of discussion. I want to make sure that we don’t get off track.
Thanks for your views!
Will sleep over the questions..And,if your blog allows me to log on kal, I’ll give the answers,Poonamji…waise,have u done something to stop all Dubai bloggers from logging on peacefully,ya phir meri hi kismat hai?Hehehe.
:) OK i think i got taken by the storm outside the track!
what I wanted to say was this:
We can not stop cuddling or getting to know a person in close terms…but if that leads to sexual temptations where in we want to make love then we shuldnt cuddle nor kiss…nor get anywhere close to that person!but I think that is not possible..
as Anat told, it is a natural feeling…and u also said it rite :either all or nothing…if u give in for those temptations then my take would be dont regret…that is all!
am i making sense now?:roll: now lemme stop making comment and see what others are to talk abt this..we can find many many views..and Poonam thanks for such a nice topic of debate :)
making my dull day pass faster!:rotfl:
I think such things should be left to an individual’s way of thinking:yes:. When two ppl r mature enough to fall in love, they better be knowing what they are doing:neutral:. If your inner voice says that what you are doing is right, you shouldn’t be concerned about what other’s think:!:…however, if you have a slightest doubt, you better think twice:smile:.
when it comes to such things and fully respect & follow the good old Indian traditions instilled in me:yes:. I believe that there is a right time to do the right thing and these traditions & values have a deep meaning and we should religiously follow them:smile:. But that’s my view point. I am sure many ppl won’t agree with me:duck:….and I could totally debate with them for hrs & hrs:banghead:. But I don’t think anyone could be right or wrong on such issues:shock:. It depends on your beliefs, values and perceptions:lol:. Like Poonam said, I don’t think if I did indulge in anything like this before marriage, my parents would have felt proud of me. So that is the simple test for me—if any act of mine would be detested by my parents, it is wrong for me:yes:.
That said, I personally am totally orthodox
Ek tum hi ho jo Dubai se logon karte ho Amitji.
Pata nahi tumhe hi kyon problem hoti hai. 
Do let me know your thoughts tomorrow.
Its really great to hear your views on this Indu, and now I do understand what you are saying (which I thought you were saying in your previous comment, but wasn’t fully sure
). Feel free to comment @ anytime because that’s the best way to express your views. 
I am glad that this has become such a lively discussion and hope it continues. 
You bring up some good points Mannat, but one that still is making me twitch is this one: how can there not be a right or wrong answer?
I can’t seem to be able to swallow this and for this reason: from day 1 its been taught in schools (now given this is a US born ladki with an US education) that engaging in pre-marital love making should be avoided. In essence they are telling you to control your temptations. Everyone teaches this from teachers to students as well as parents to children, then how can one say that there is no right or wrong answer? 
I believe there is a right and wrong answer because otherwise it would be how the matter of abortion is or whether religion should be taught in schools. These topics are based on belief, but I just don’t seem to agree that temptations, including sexual temptations, falls in this category.
I agree with Mannat… There really can’t be any right or wrong.. It’s upto the individual. Its not black and white always… you do find shades of grey and that’s what it is here… my six lines!!
Poonam…ofcourse there are issues in this world which could be neither right nor wrong. It totally depends on a person’s way of thinking. I believe that what I believe in is right, and that’s why I believe in it. But the other person might believe otherwise, and think that he/she is right. There are many issues for which certain rules are set up by the society…like this one. Sex before marriage is taboo in Indian society…and so are many other things. But that doesn’t mean that the norms that the society sets up are right. Like I said before, when it comes to following such things, ‘I’ believe that right things should be done at right time and I very religiously follow the norms set up by my culture and what I have been taught. But not every person is alike. And ppl think differently. I have met some ppl who believe that if u r in love with the person and if u know that no matter what u will marry this person then induldging in pre-marital sex is not wrong…and they have their own reasons to support their thinking. If it’s right for them, that’s all what matters…as long as they don’t impose their thinking on me, I really don’t care. I will follow my beliefs which i think are right. I might think that what others think is wrong, but how could I foget…every coin has 2 sides.
As far as u mentioned that u have been taught in schools in US that premarital love making should be avoided, let’s not even get into that. 95% of Americans have had sex before marriage…so that explains it all!
Again, Indian traditions are very valuabe, and we all as Indians need to preserve those traditions…but the bitter truth is, ppl are setting thir own rules now and don’t care about what we have been taught all through our lives. It’s sad, but at the same time, its’ true.
There is a difference between what is right and wrong and what you do has a choice. People make the choice of engaging in pre-marital sex, but that doesn’t mean that there is no right or wrong attached to it. I think there is because otherwise like you said, it wouldn’t be considered taboo in India and hence they wouldn’t advocate it in schools. Everything in this world and every single topic cannot be just forced as a belief. There are things in this world that are considred right and considered wrong. For those who are Christians they follow the Ten Commandments. That’s just a pure example of what has been considered right and wrong.
I am not even going to get into the 95% stuff because that’s just another whole subject, but my point will remain that there is a reason that it is taught in schools.
There are many people that cannot control their temptations hence they make the choice of engaging in pre-marital sex or living in..whatever.
If this is not a matter of right or wrong, then why can’t young adults tell their parents that they have done this just like they would have told them if they would have done something else? Why does this have to be hid from them if this has nothing to do with right or wrong, and its just choice? Parents should be able to accept this as much as if they would accept anything else their child has done.
There are things in this world that society has characterized as right and wrong, temptations such as the ones given above are shown in a negative limelight (i can hear myself repeating my words so i will stop in just a second).
If everything was based on belief, there would be no right and wrong answer for anything — hence there would be no debates or arguments. Because its one’s opinion against the other, but there is a reason for things to be characterized in one bucket or the other.
Waah what a discussion going on here. A variety of viewpoints here. Main bolu? I am a little divided on this issue. Here goes..
So is being able to give in to these temptations the reason for getting married? No, right? Marriage is something very sacred to us all, but if you look at it in the context of relationships, isnt it one of the many labels society has given to human relationships? Lets say two people fall in love with each other, understand each other, are serious about each other, and will always love each other. Isnt that bond just as sacred? Would there be a change in love if people get married? How would it change just because the label of marriage is given to them? Do not get me wrong here, I am not against marriage at all. It is a very sacred bond and according to our values and tradition, we should abstain from all of these temptations from marriage. But think about it, we follow these values because these were instilled in us as a part of growing up. So really, what is right and wrong is never set in stone. A relationship can be just as pure and just as sacred as a marriage before or after. So if two people have reached that level of maturity, comfort, love, and sanctity AND if THEY think it is right, then they shouldnt be wrong in making love.
Now, if sex is talked about as a mere temptation, then it is wrong because in the end it is nothing but a temptation. Although making love would be a whole different story. There is a difference between having sex for the reasons of giving in to temptations and making love. On that, I would agree with Anat said.
If you think of sexual relations as mere temptation then ofcourse they are wrong. But then it depends on different people’s perception of what sex is,what temptation is, and waht making love is. Making love can be just as pure and sacred as a marriage.
There is a flip side to it too, and that is when the values and traditions instilled in a person come to play. If you think sex before marriage is a no no regardless of how sacred your love is, then so it is. But I would not agree with the argument that sex is defined as a mere temptation and that temptations should be given into only after marriage coz then sex and cohabitation would be the only differences between being married and not being married.
I am not sure if I got my point across in words as well as I wanted to, but my two cents and lots of lines :)
wanna hear something that will make you smile..someone else and me had the same discussion two days ago
That’s exactly what I had said. I said that for me the simple test of something being right or wrong is, whether I am able to tell my parents about it. Something like this, I wouldn’t even dare to tell my parents, if I had ever done it. So that’s why I believe that premarital sex is wrong. But many ppl around this world (believe me, even in India) are freely able to talk about such things with their parents, and so they consider this right.
Again, lemme emphasis, for me it’s WRONG, but for many ppl it’s RIGHT. This world is moving too fast and you jsut cannot catch up with everyone’s thinking and at the same time you cannot dictate your thinking on others. Yes, it is taboo in India because of our old traditions based on arranged marriages. Even though now, many marriages in India are not arranged, I personally think, such traditions should still be preserved. So yes, for me sex before marriage is a big NO NO and is absolutely wrong…especially if u r an Indian….but coming back to my pt. not everyone would go with my view pt. and for them this would be right. So let’s put it this way, in India pre marital sex is WRONG…but many ppl living in India itself (who haven’t been physically exposed to the western world) think nothing’s wrong about it.
Ok, I am done with this dicussion. I think writing about it is not getting my point across.
I am going to start with Mannat (I usually don’t like going out of order, but yours is easier to answer
); I finally think that you got your point across loud and clear. 
What you said that was well said was:
This isn’t even about dictating anybody’s thinking, mine or yours, on anybody else because no one these days are ready to listen. So with that point, if there is nothing that tells us (previously or however) what is right or wrong, then there is no way we will be able to come to a conclusion because everyone’s thoughts are different.
Interesting enough Kaush that you had this discussion with that person (we all know who that is
).
If you are truly in love and want to share your love with your partner, then rather than give in to your tempation prior to marriage, I think you should get married. Many couples don’t think about the consequences of their temptations prior to marriage. Marriage gives you many things that prior to that doesn’t (which I have discussed in the post).
Now you talk about whether there would be a change just because that couple has gotten married…but if you give in to all of the temptations of love prior to marriage, do you feel that your partner will have the same excitement to get married compared to if you had not done given in? I, for one, have thought that guys, more than girls, will lose that interest in marriage, might even may not want to get married, because they are getting what they want prior to marriage, then why put a label and add responsibilities to it. That will be the thought process.
How is that so? Today if your daughter is in this situation where she thinks she is in true love and she is tempted to make a decision to make love with her partner, you are going to be okay with that? You don’t think that you would have taught her throughout her life as she grows up to practice abstinence, etc… If you do teach her that while she grows up, then aren’t you teaching her the right thing to do? So it seesm that no one seems to think that this is a moral or value that we have been taught from our family and teachers, that we will teach to our children?
Ok I don’t really want to get into the definitions of sex and making love. I am currently using them interchangeably because if we start talking about that, we won’t be able to talk about the post, which is on temptations. You can be tempted to “make love” with your partner, which I still consider a temptation. In a general sense (not emotional sense), “making love” has different feelings but can end up having the same result as “having sex” (i.e. having a baby).
If today you find out that your best friend has moved in with her bf and they have “made love”, you are going to pat her on the back?
“Making love” or “having sex” prior to marriage is a temptation (hopefully we are able to agree on that), but the question still remains should temptation be controlled. The only way I would think that this is not a temptation is if it was accepted by society today — which it isn’t.
What I mean here is what Mannat also means, and that is I would not do it, because I have been brought up that way, but to thin nk of it in a general context, right or wrong is not set in stone. For example, eating meat is extremely wrong for my parents and family, but that is not the case with all. Ofcourse this is not the same as eating meat, but along the same lines, while having pre-marital sex might be right for some and wrong for some. So one can never put it in words that no, it is wrong!
I feel it is wrong because I was brought up that way and I wil bring my children up that way.
And after marriage? Is the excitement gone once the deed is done? If marriage is about the excitement to get married and give into the temptation, then two people should not get married anyway. to say that once you give in to the temptation there is no excitement to get married would mean that two ppl are getting married for that reason only which should not be the case.
Now can you really compare eating meat to pre-marital sex?
If this is based on choice, like you say and like Mannat says, then why is it such a big deal if someone does it? Why is it taught in schools to avoid it? Why is abstinence brought into the limelight? Its all based on choice…isn’t it? 
Now the excitement part…what I meant was that if you give away everything prior to marriage…there might not even be a marriage..why? Beacause one or the other partner will feel that they are getting everything now, what’s the point of adding responsibilities and a name to that relationship? Even if you do these things, there are many things to look forward to a relationship but many of the surprises have already been let out. The opposite situation would be that nothing happens before marriage (none of the temptations listed above), and hence the intimacy part of the marriage, how life would be like living together, would all still be a mystery.
No, you cannot compare eating meat to pre-marital sex. But I was not comparing the two at all. I was just using that analogy to explain why what one thinks would be different from what the other thinks. While you and I would think that it is a no no to have pre-marital sex, it would be wrong to say to those who do have sex willingly, that it is wrong, because in their own way of thinking they might be right.
And it is a big deal for us if someone does it, and we are taught in schools because that is the societal norm. For example, monogamy is a part of most religions, but there are certain religions where polygamy is allowed for certain specific reasons. So we are also usually taught in school that you marry one person and one person only, but that might not be the case for other religious groups who believe differently. Now again I am not comparing religion with the issue in argument here, but using it as an analogy.
For those who think its okay, its not a big deal because it was their choice and we cannot say tat they are wrong. and that coming back to your question, if people think its right for them, then they should do it, if not, then dont. For us, yes it is wrong, but they might be right in their own way. Sorry to sound redundant here, but thats my take.
Poonam,
what all these people are saying is what I said earlier…there is nothing rite or wrong…it is not black or white…there is also gray somewherein between….so if i feel it is right I do it with conviction and not repent or regret later on! if i find it wrong I wouldnt be seen doing that till I die..
I also believe that pre-marital sex also depends upon the maturity level of that courtship or relationship!Look! two 18 year olds having pre marital sex has a different maturity level than a two 25 above adultshaving pre marital sex.Is it not?
The consequence part of it, wont the adults know better to handle it rather the 18 year olds? and anywyas it is a natural thing that can not be stopped! when abstinence was taught as a wrong thing,In India even having boy friends is considered taboo.We have all broken that obstacles and have wonderful friends, we go out and have fun.Even kissing is not considered good.But arent we all cuddling atleast with the ones u love?
If we do nothave maturity to handle the temptations then wait till u mature enuff in a relationship to handle or else get married :)
again am saying poonam that we have been taught very many things by society but it is the same society that is infested with extra marital affairs,illicit sex trades and all that crap..so education and teachings doesnt hold here in these kind of temptations…
if we are not matured enuff to handle the temptations and even face the consequences then WAIT! :)But, if u give in to temptations to a person whom you love the most then DONT repent! that is the worst thing we could do to ourselves.!