what all these people are saying is what I said earlier…there is nothing rite or wrong…it is not black or white…there is also gray somewherein between….so if i feel it is right I do it with conviction and not repent or regret later on! if i find it wrong I wouldnt be seen doing that till I die..

I also believe that pre-marital sex also depends upon the maturity level of that courtship or relationship!Look! two 18 year olds having pre marital sex has a different maturity level than a two 25 above adultshaving pre marital sex.Is it not?

The consequence part of it, wont the adults know better to handle it rather the 18 year olds? and anywyas it is a natural thing that can not be stopped! when abstinence was taught as a wrong thing,In India even having boy friends is considered taboo.We have all broken that obstacles and have wonderful friends, we go out and have fun.Even kissing is not considered good.But arent we all cuddling atleast with the ones u love?

If we do nothave maturity to handle the temptations then wait till u mature enuff in a relationship to handle or else get married :)

again am saying poonam that we have been taught very many things by society but it is the same society that is infested with extra marital affairs,illicit sex trades and all that crap..so education and teachings doesnt hold here in these kind of temptations…

if we are not matured enuff to handle the temptations and even face the consequences then WAIT! :)But, if u give in to temptations to a person whom you love the most then DONT repent! that is the worst thing we could do to ourselves.!

And it is a big deal for us if someone does it, and we are taught in schools because that is the societal norm. For example, monogamy is a part of most religions, but there are certain religions where polygamy is allowed for certain specific reasons. So we are also usually taught in school that you marry one person and one person only, but that might not be the case for other religious groups who believe differently. Now again I am not comparing religion with the issue in argument here, but using it as an analogy.
For those who think its okay, its not a big deal because it was their choice and we cannot say tat they are wrong. and that coming back to your question, if people think its right for them, then they should do it, if not, then dont. For us, yes it is wrong, but they might be right in their own way. Sorry to sound redundant here, but thats my take.

Now the excitement part…what I meant was that if you give away everything prior to marriage…there might not even be a marriage..why? Beacause one or the other partner will feel that they are getting everything now, what’s the point of adding responsibilities and a name to that relationship? Even if you do these things, there are many things to look forward to a relationship but many of the surprises have already been let out. The opposite situation would be that nothing happens before marriage (none of the temptations listed above), and hence the intimacy part of the marriage, how life would be like living together, would all still be a mystery.

…but if you give in to all of the temptations of love prior to marriage, do you feel that your partner will have the same excitement to get married compared to if you had not done given in?

And after marriage? Is the excitement gone once the deed is done? If marriage is about the excitement to get married and give into the temptation, then two people should not get married anyway. to say that once you give in to the temptation there is no excitement to get married would mean that two ppl are getting married for that reason only which should not be the case.

What you said that was well said was:

I said that for me the simple test of something being right or wrong is, whether I am able to tell my parents about it. Something like this, I wouldn’t even dare to tell my parents, if I had ever done it. So that’s why I believe that premarital sex is wrong.

This world is moving too fast and you jsut cannot catch up with everyone’s thinking and at the same time you cannot dictate your thinking on others.

This isn’t even about dictating anybody’s thinking, mine or yours, on anybody else because no one these days are ready to listen. So with that point, if there is nothing that tells us (previously or however) what is right or wrong, then there is no way we will be able to come to a conclusion because everyone’s thoughts are different.

Interesting enough Kaush that you had this discussion with that person (we all know who that is ).

So is being able to give in to these temptations the reason for getting married? No, right? Marriage is something very sacred to us all, but if you look at it in the context of relationships, isnt it one of the many labels society has given to human relationships?

If you are truly in love and want to share your love with your partner, then rather than give in to your tempation prior to marriage, I think you should get married. Many couples don’t think about the consequences of their temptations prior to marriage. Marriage gives you many things that prior to that doesn’t (which I have discussed in the post).

Now you talk about whether there would be a change just because that couple has gotten married…but if you give in to all of the temptations of love prior to marriage, do you feel that your partner will have the same excitement to get married compared to if you had not done given in? I, for one, have thought that guys, more than girls, will lose that interest in marriage, might even may not want to get married, because they are getting what they want prior to marriage, then why put a label and add responsibilities to it. That will be the thought process.

So really, what is right and wrong is never set in stone.

How is that so? Today if your daughter is in this situation where she thinks she is in true love and she is tempted to make a decision to make love with her partner, you are going to be okay with that? You don’t think that you would have taught her throughout her life as she grows up to practice abstinence, etc… If you do teach her that while she grows up, then aren’t you teaching her the right thing to do? So it seesm that no one seems to think that this is a moral or value that we have been taught from our family and teachers, that we will teach to our children?

Ok I don’t really want to get into the definitions of sex and making love. I am currently using them interchangeably because if we start talking about that, we won’t be able to talk about the post, which is on temptations. You can be tempted to “make love” with your partner, which I still consider a temptation. In a general sense (not emotional sense), “making love” has different feelings but can end up having the same result as “having sex” (i.e. having a baby).

If today you find out that your best friend has moved in with her bf and they have “made love”, you are going to pat her on the back?

“Making love” or “having sex” prior to marriage is a temptation (hopefully we are able to agree on that), but the question still remains should temptation be controlled. The only way I would think that this is not a temptation is if it was accepted by society today — which it isn’t.

If this is not a matter of right or wrong, then why can’t young adults tell their parents that they have done this just like they would have told them if they would have done something else? Why does this have to be hid from them if this has nothing to do with right or wrong, and its just choice? Parents should be able to accept this as much as if they would accept anything else their child has done.

That’s exactly what I had said. I said that for me the simple test of something being right or wrong is, whether I am able to tell my parents about it. Something like this, I wouldn’t even dare to tell my parents, if I had ever done it. So that’s why I believe that premarital sex is wrong. But many ppl around this world (believe me, even in India) are freely able to talk about such things with their parents, and so they consider this right.
Again, lemme emphasis, for me it’s WRONG, but for many ppl it’s RIGHT. This world is moving too fast and you jsut cannot catch up with everyone’s thinking and at the same time you cannot dictate your thinking on others. Yes, it is taboo in India because of our old traditions based on arranged marriages. Even though now, many marriages in India are not arranged, I personally think, such traditions should still be preserved. So yes, for me sex before marriage is a big NO NO and is absolutely wrong…especially if u r an Indian….but coming back to my pt. not everyone would go with my view pt. and for them this would be right. So let’s put it this way, in India pre marital sex is WRONG…but many ppl living in India itself (who haven’t been physically exposed to the western world) think nothing’s wrong about it.
Ok, I am done with this dicussion. I think writing about it is not getting my point across.

There is a reason why people get married, and there are certain steps that you should not take before that. If you are truly in love, then nothing should come between you getting married to our partner. All temptations should be controlled and waited for that sacred day of harmony and union.

So is being able to give in to these temptations the reason for getting married? No, right? Marriage is something very sacred to us all, but if you look at it in the context of relationships, isnt it one of the many labels society has given to human relationships? Lets say two people fall in love with each other, understand each other, are serious about each other, and will always love each other. Isnt that bond just as sacred? Would there be a change in love if people get married? How would it change just because the label of marriage is given to them? Do not get me wrong here, I am not against marriage at all. It is a very sacred bond and according to our values and tradition, we should abstain from all of these temptations from marriage. But think about it, we follow these values because these were instilled in us as a part of growing up. So really, what is right and wrong is never set in stone. A relationship can be just as pure and just as sacred as a marriage before or after. So if two people have reached that level of maturity, comfort, love, and sanctity AND if THEY think it is right, then they shouldnt be wrong in making love.
Now, if sex is talked about as a mere temptation, then it is wrong because in the end it is nothing but a temptation. Although making love would be a whole different story. There is a difference between having sex for the reasons of giving in to temptations and making love. On that, I would agree with Anat said.
If you think of sexual relations as mere temptation then ofcourse they are wrong. But then it depends on different people’s perception of what sex is,what temptation is, and waht making love is. Making love can be just as pure and sacred as a marriage.
There is a flip side to it too, and that is when the values and traditions instilled in a person come to play. If you think sex before marriage is a no no regardless of how sacred your love is, then so it is. But I would not agree with the argument that sex is defined as a mere temptation and that temptations should be given into only after marriage coz then sex and cohabitation would be the only differences between being married and not being married.
I am not sure if I got my point across in words as well as I wanted to, but my two cents and lots of lines :)

I am not even going to get into the 95% stuff because that’s just another whole subject, but my point will remain that there is a reason that it is taught in schools.

There are many people that cannot control their temptations hence they make the choice of engaging in pre-marital sex or living in..whatever.

If this is not a matter of right or wrong, then why can’t young adults tell their parents that they have done this just like they would have told them if they would have done something else? Why does this have to be hid from them if this has nothing to do with right or wrong, and its just choice? Parents should be able to accept this as much as if they would accept anything else their child has done.

There are things in this world that society has characterized as right and wrong, temptations such as the ones given above are shown in a negative limelight (i can hear myself repeating my words so i will stop in just a second).

If everything was based on belief, there would be no right and wrong answer for anything — hence there would be no debates or arguments. Because its one’s opinion against the other, but there is a reason for things to be characterized in one bucket or the other.